he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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