I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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