No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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