I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just pynch a tree in the face
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
