His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
