from now on my penis is your penis
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
