Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
