No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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