Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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