Tell her she can't have a vagina
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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