her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
