I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
