doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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