it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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