Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
