I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
