Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
