The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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