bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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