on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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