I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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