i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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