a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
