He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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