i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
