i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
