My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
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I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
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Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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