did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
