The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
