also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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