Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
