so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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