Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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