My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
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Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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