And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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