Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
