CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
