nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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