that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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