I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
