think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
