She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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