I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
