I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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