i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
