Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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