Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I still have a little drunk in my system
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
