I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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