i can't believe i had my finger in that
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
