So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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