It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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