i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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