i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
