It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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