Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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