pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
