R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
