Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
