i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
