Porn is love you can see.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
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