We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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