you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
