How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
