Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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