You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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