i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize