The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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