Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize