Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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