He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
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How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
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Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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