ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
