yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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