I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
